Transition into marriage. I don’t know about you guys, but as a single young woman I often wonder what it’s going to be like when I finally make that transition into marriage with my future husband.  Is it going to be hard? Are we going to be two totally different people when we finally decide to tie the knot? And what if we change during the time that we are married? Well, I have discovered that the root of these concerns is something to be resolved during the time that a couple transitions into the phase of engaged. A transition into marriage is just that, a TRANSITION. We have to work our way into that next phase with your significant other. As you move from each phrase (dating, to courtship to engagement) the stakes go up more and you are still suppose to keep learning about the other person. As you transition you are still creating patterns that you will follow during the time you are married to each other. You face new trials and challenges together, get to see how each other respond to stress (like planning a wedding) see how you handle the other when they are in a bad mood and how well you work with each other. As you continue to spend time together (and also important to spend time AWAY from each other) you continue to discover new aspects about a person that you can see and choose if you can handle that particular thing about them.

So now you have seen them under stressful situations, seen them with your family, kids, how they spend their money, clean the toilet and vice versa. You have decided taking this step with them is something that you really want to do and are willing to make this commitment with them. But this isn’t the end, the problems don’t stop after marriage. Often times a couple really struggles with in their first year of marriage because they are still making many adjustments, that sometimes causes more problems… or problems you didn’t think were going to be a problem. Couples now are sharing the same spaces full time and have to share everything (information, family time, necessities) they have to make decisions together that will really affect how well they correlate together. They have to decide the division of roles they are going to have and responsibilities they will share. They have to adjust in their friend groups to better fit their relationship. They really have to think about taking care of their spouses needs as well as their own. They have to constantly be making adjustments because situations change. They have to consider priorities and what they are going to sacrifice for. Such as time for family home evenings and scripture study. And most importantly, now they have to be creating their own traditions or rituals as a family to create their unique family system.

Something that I have really learned this week is the importance of establishing healthy boundaries between family members, friends, peers and even with each other. As you create a new family system, there are a lot of dynamics that go into the new family. Like the relationship between you and your in laws and your spouse’s relationship with your family.  Then the relationship between you and your spouse as you begin to have children. The decision to have children is a huge blessing and also a huge stretch for a couple. As children are born, this event often takes the attention of the mother and  is now more focused on the children than she is on the relationship with her husband. This often causes a strain in the relationship between husband and wife as they strive to continue building their relationship with the responsibility of children. It’s important for couples to develop the skills they need for marriage before they actually get married so they can handle these struggles together. And this is why we have to be focused on the patterns that we are creating before we get married and are in the other stages.