A lot of things that I have anticipated to be very important in a relationship I feel has been confirmed for me this week. Although I may not have a boyfriend, or have been in many serious relationships, I have talked through my friends’ problems with them in their relationships trying to help them figure out how to get through their problems. I have drawn the conclusion that we don’t fall in love the same way that we used to in the past. I often wonder, why are people not staying married for 60 years just like many of our grandparents…. Is that just an old-fashioned thing? Or did they understand something that we don’t? People also don’t prepare for marriage the way they used to, maybe these are some of the reasons why a lot of relationships don’t workout in our day today. This could also be the reason why the divorce rate has increased so much over the years.

In this blog I wanted to talk about some of the defaults or mistakes that we take in our approach to dating in our society today, as well as the difference of how people transition into the next step of a relationship.  But first, I wanted to use the Relationship Attachment Model as a guide line for my blog topic, this model shows how a couple can develop a healthy attachment to one another (as long as the couple keeps the priorities in order). The first is 1) Know: how well you know this person, the time you have spent with them (talk, time and together), 2) Trust: after number 1, you develop trust for this person, you believe they will be honest, 3) Rely: you believe they will be there for you and will help in times of need, support you emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually etc, 4) Commit: you decide that you know, trust and rely on them enough that you can commit to them. Only show interest and date that one person, you have decided to focus on them and no other. 5) Touch: this is the glue to a relationship, it binds you together to create even more of an attachment. This increases the feelings you have for them. The steps in this model are very important for each relationship since it can help determine the priorities in the relationship. I think priorities is exactly where we go wrong today.    

Is it just me or has anyone else been freaked out about how middle school aged kids will pair off and become “exclusive”, act like a couple and 3 weeks later are on to another relationship? Looking back on this behavior, I often that this could be one of the huge reasons why so many young adults’ relationships get into too serious of a relationship too fast. From the time that we were very young, we believed that if 2 people liked each other, they needed to become an exclusive couple and dedicate themselves to each other. I have had a back countless number of friends who held hands with a guy (or kissed him) and felt that they needed to commit to him and not date or be interested in any other guy. This starts a relationship on the wrong foot since it began with touch, the very last thing that is on the healthy relationship model…. Their relationship is based on their physical attraction to each other, they don’t know each other, trust each other or even rely on each other. And then we see that the relationship never lasts… But back in our grandparent’s time, we see just how being bold enough to take (boys or girls) out on dates created the opportunities to get to know each other better. Helped them get to know people, see who they can trust, begin to rely on them and if it be right, commit. We see that maybe, the older generation had it right, because when they got married they stayed married for many, many years later. Isn’t that all of our goal?