A lot of things that I have anticipated to be very important in a relationship I feel has been confirmed for me this week. Although I may not have a boyfriend, or have been in many serious relationships, I have talked through my friends’ problems with them in their relationships trying to help them figure out how to get through their problems. I have drawn the conclusion that we don’t fall in love the same way that we used to in the past. I often wonder, why are people not staying married for 60 years just like many of our grandparents…. Is that just an old-fashioned thing? Or did they understand something that we don’t? People also don’t prepare for marriage the way they used to, maybe these are some of the reasons why a lot of relationships don’t workout in our day today. This could also be the reason why the divorce rate has increased so much over the years.

In this blog I wanted to talk about some of the defaults or mistakes that we take in our approach to dating in our society today, as well as the difference of how people transition into the next step of a relationship.  But first, I wanted to use the Relationship Attachment Model as a guide line for my blog topic, this model shows how a couple can develop a healthy attachment to one another (as long as the couple keeps the priorities in order). The first is 1) Know: how well you know this person, the time you have spent with them (talk, time and together), 2) Trust: after number 1, you develop trust for this person, you believe they will be honest, 3) Rely: you believe they will be there for you and will help in times of need, support you emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually etc, 4) Commit: you decide that you know, trust and rely on them enough that you can commit to them. Only show interest and date that one person, you have decided to focus on them and no other. 5) Touch: this is the glue to a relationship, it binds you together to create even more of an attachment. This increases the feelings you have for them. The steps in this model are very important for each relationship since it can help determine the priorities in the relationship. I think priorities is exactly where we go wrong today.    

Is it just me or has anyone else been freaked out about how middle school aged kids will pair off and become “exclusive”, act like a couple and 3 weeks later are on to another relationship? Looking back on this behavior, I often that this could be one of the huge reasons why so many young adults’ relationships get into too serious of a relationship too fast. From the time that we were very young, we believed that if 2 people liked each other, they needed to become an exclusive couple and dedicate themselves to each other. I have had a back countless number of friends who held hands with a guy (or kissed him) and felt that they needed to commit to him and not date or be interested in any other guy. This starts a relationship on the wrong foot since it began with touch, the very last thing that is on the healthy relationship model…. Their relationship is based on their physical attraction to each other, they don’t know each other, trust each other or even rely on each other. And then we see that the relationship never lasts… But back in our grandparent’s time, we see just how being bold enough to take (boys or girls) out on dates created the opportunities to get to know each other better. Helped them get to know people, see who they can trust, begin to rely on them and if it be right, commit. We see that maybe, the older generation had it right, because when they got married they stayed married for many, many years later. Isn’t that all of our goal?

Hey y'all!! This week was a real eye opener for me. Have you ever had that moment when you seriously thought about your potential, gifts and talents? These things consist of who we are. If you are religious, we know the as gifts from God that he wants us to grow to help us be happy, if you’re not religious these things still make you, you. But what roles do these gifts they play in your life or even in society? Today I wanted to focus on writing about how who we are, and who we choose to be, affects every aspect of the person that you will become.

I will start with a very controversial statement, I feel that the gender you are born with plays a HUGE part of who YOU are. Many people believe they can just change and become what they want to be or what they think will make them happy. Some people will change so much about themselves in a sper of a moment based off feelings, ideas or peers. Now, I’m not talking about making goals to being a kinder person or being more active in their family life etc., I’m talking about people who are wanting to change the things about them that are more permanent such as gender, facial structure, height, body size (shape), skin color, or ethnicity. They want to change the things that make them who they are instead of ACCEPTING what makes them who they are. If a girl is more of a tom boy and enjoys doing more masculine things she can embrace those preferences as well as be ok with who she is as a woman. There is no mistake, there was no accident that you were born a male or female (whether you are religious or not), your natural body is apart of who you are. And most importantly, your role as a male or female both equally play a big role in society and impacts many people’s lives, mainly your future family.  

Men and Woman are both equal but different. It’s just how things are so we can have a more balanced world. Could you imagine if everyone was the same, what would the world be like? Probably boring, dull and weak because there is no diversity to make the weak things about it strong. Too many people focus on how men are either better than women or women are better than men. It seems to be a power struggle between the two, maybe we should start focusing on and looking at things with a more “we need each other” attitude and things would start getting better? I don’t know but that is definitely my thoughts! Maybe if there was a focus on both genders being equal but acknowledging their difference, men and women would feel the need to make up some kind of difference. The truth is women are just generally better at things that men can’t do and vice versa. Men and Women are also generally different from the very beginning, since infancy.  Boys prefer to ruff house, fight, and building things and while girls focus more building relationships, playing with dolls and nurturing things. Together men and women can really make a great team in balancing each other out.

I feel that there is truly nothing wrong with accepting who you are as a male or female. And most importantly so important to embrace the things about you that make you you. Whether you like them or not or want to change them. We need to all love ourselves enough to accept the characteristics that we have been given and grow them to their fullest potential. And is what makes us all different and unique.         

Hello friends! Last week I talked about the different family dynamics in the home and how they influence how we function together. But, we know a lot of different factors play into how our families function together, so today I thought I would blog about the cultures in families and how they influence how we react and respond to each other in our family units. Now, when I talk about culture, I don’t just mean the ethnic culture that each family comes from (although that is a huge influence as well), I mean the cultures that we create in our families come based on our social standing in society. This will determine if we work a lot or not at all, causing parents to be home with their children or not, potentially effective the relationship between parents and children, and then even sibling to sibling.

As I was studying about the different cultures of families, I particularly studied one article called “The Costs of Getting Ahead” by Marticia L. Bacallao and Paul R. Smokowski, this article primarily focuses on the effects that immigration has on Mexican families. Which, in my opinion, there was a dramatic difference in how the family was before immigration compared to after immigration.  From the multiple accounts given, these families were strong tight units before they immigrated to the United States, but when they got here, things took a turn for the worst as they had to begin working long hours, leaving behind family members (a lot of the time husbands), traditions, and language. In most cases with these families, it was the mother who came to the united states with her children (without her husband) and had to be the main provider for the family, taking her away from her children during the critical ages where guidance from a parent is very much needed. So, majority of the time that would leave these kids home and alone increasing their odds to get in trouble. I know for me, when I was in the 2^nd and 3^rd grade my mother and father both worked. So that left me and my 2 other elementary aged siblings home alone for a few hours before mom came home from work. This left us with a few hours to be able to do whatever we wanted, and very often my siblings and I got in trouble when we were caught doing those things we weren’t supposed to by mom when she got home. The only time that we stopped doing what we weren’t supposed to was when mom started to stay home and was with us most of the time. I can honestly say that if she didn’t start staying home, my disobedient behavior probably wouldn’t have stopped the way it did.

Because teenagers where far away from their extended families it caused many of them a lot of stress. One young woman spoke about how hard it was dealing with the emotional stress of being separated from Grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. She became depressed and contemplated suicide as her mother was away at work and had no one she loved that she could turn to. Other teenagers would get into trouble with the law because there was no one around to supervise or correct them. In other families, parents got divorces or the relationships with the Father were very strained due to the long hours spent at work or the long time they would be separated from the family. 

In conclusion, we see that there are many things that contribute to our family cultures, work, money, time, priorities, hobbies, location, etc. All these daily factors contribute to how we could be as a family and where we can end up in the future.  We know it is important for us to be with our children, growing strong relationships to help secure and sustain them in their futures to have a more positive outcome.

Hello Everyone! Today I wanted to talk about a list of different theories that influence our family dynamics and why these theories are so important in how our family’s function today. Now, something that I always love to do is have a question in my head like “which one of these sounds the most like me and my family?” or “how can I identify the kind of family dynamic I have?” There are so many ways we can improve ourselves and our families every day! I just wanted to invite you all to have some kind of question in mind as I write about these different theories.

Theory Number 1: Conflict Theory

This is where an individual will interact more on the basis of conflict rather than consensus. The two people are not equal, there is always someone who has the power and is in charge who will use whatever resources they have against the other person to keep their power, whether it be through their job, social standing, etc.  Its whoever can influence the other person. There are many different ways to influence someone, a loved one or not. For example, if a wife is the bread winner and her husband didn’t clean the house or do the dishes by the time she gets home, she will use the fact that she is the bread winner to guilt her husband into doing what she wants him to do.

Theory Number 2: Exchange Theory

Getting more out of the relationship than what you put into it. A lot of the time in relationships (especially today) we will hear “I just wish he would do this more for me more” or “She never does what I want her to do” It’s the mindset of why don’t they give me what I want? And sometimes, couples will draw the conclusion that they won’t work out because they do not get what they want from a spouse. Studies have shown that when a partner had changed in the way that their spouse requested them to change (in very small ways) that the problem was solved momentarily, but later the marriage or relationship failed.

Theory Number 3: Symbolic Theory

The different interpretation of a person’s motive behind what they do, say or act. For example, if a man comes home from work and goes into his room right away instead of talking to his wife, she could interpret that as he doesn’t want to talk to her (or doesn’t care about her day) and therefore she takes that as he doesn’t love her. While in reality, he just had a stressful day at work and didn’t want to take out his frustration on his family, so he took some time to cool down.  A lot of people tend to read into other people too deeply and often misinterpret the other persons actual feelings. I feel like for reasons like this, communication is key…. As long as you don’t misinterpret what the other person is saying.

Theory Number 4: The Systems Theory

This is a good one, the systems theory is systematic (but different) relationships between the different family members in a family. There can be many different family systems, like between a mother and a daughter, mother and son, brother and sister, father and daughter. There are many different relationships within a family setting. There are always unspoken rules, allies, traditions, sayings, etc. When I was a younger (since I’m the youngest of 9) my 2 siblings just older than me always pared up against me in fights, arguments, games. They were always against me. But thank goodness that our family dynamics can change and we are no longer like that!

Which family system sounds the most like yours? It is so interesting all the different ways that families can work and operate. This week I had a realization that we must all be very aware of the family dynamic we want to create when we have our own children. We as parents will be the biggest influence in their life. We literally create the future (Future society, government, etc.). Our families play such a big role in who we are. Lets do the best we can to be the best for our future families.