Hello Everyone! Today I wanted to talk about a list of different theories that influence our family dynamics and why these theories are so important in how our family’s function today. Now, something that I always love to do is have a question in my head like “which one of these sounds the most like me and my family?” or “how can I identify the kind of family dynamic I have?” There are so many ways we can improve ourselves and our families every day! I just wanted to invite you all to have some kind of question in mind as I write about these different theories.

Theory Number 1: Conflict Theory

This is where an individual will interact more on the basis of conflict rather than consensus. The two people are not equal, there is always someone who has the power and is in charge who will use whatever resources they have against the other person to keep their power, whether it be through their job, social standing, etc.  Its whoever can influence the other person. There are many different ways to influence someone, a loved one or not. For example, if a wife is the bread winner and her husband didn’t clean the house or do the dishes by the time she gets home, she will use the fact that she is the bread winner to guilt her husband into doing what she wants him to do.

Theory Number 2: Exchange Theory

Getting more out of the relationship than what you put into it. A lot of the time in relationships (especially today) we will hear “I just wish he would do this more for me more” or “She never does what I want her to do” It’s the mindset of why don’t they give me what I want? And sometimes, couples will draw the conclusion that they won’t work out because they do not get what they want from a spouse. Studies have shown that when a partner had changed in the way that their spouse requested them to change (in very small ways) that the problem was solved momentarily, but later the marriage or relationship failed.

Theory Number 3: Symbolic Theory

The different interpretation of a person’s motive behind what they do, say or act. For example, if a man comes home from work and goes into his room right away instead of talking to his wife, she could interpret that as he doesn’t want to talk to her (or doesn’t care about her day) and therefore she takes that as he doesn’t love her. While in reality, he just had a stressful day at work and didn’t want to take out his frustration on his family, so he took some time to cool down.  A lot of people tend to read into other people too deeply and often misinterpret the other persons actual feelings. I feel like for reasons like this, communication is key…. As long as you don’t misinterpret what the other person is saying.

Theory Number 4: The Systems Theory

This is a good one, the systems theory is systematic (but different) relationships between the different family members in a family. There can be many different family systems, like between a mother and a daughter, mother and son, brother and sister, father and daughter. There are many different relationships within a family setting. There are always unspoken rules, allies, traditions, sayings, etc. When I was a younger (since I’m the youngest of 9) my 2 siblings just older than me always pared up against me in fights, arguments, games. They were always against me. But thank goodness that our family dynamics can change and we are no longer like that!

Which family system sounds the most like yours? It is so interesting all the different ways that families can work and operate. This week I had a realization that we must all be very aware of the family dynamic we want to create when we have our own children. We as parents will be the biggest influence in their life. We literally create the future (Future society, government, etc.). Our families play such a big role in who we are. Lets do the best we can to be the best for our future families.